The Simpsons - Potties 'R' Us
by Philip Glenister tomboy
Summary: Another The Simpsons UK episode featuring this time, the two littlest but cutest characters; Maggie Simpson and Ralph Wiggum as their fathers start infant potty training with them. But Homer Jay Simpson as usual mucks it up than win parenting awards, when DCI Clancy Wiggum has the upper hand when it comes to toileting older babies.


**Plot: Homer Simpson and Detective Chief Inspector Clancy Wiggum are potty training their babies through the use of infant potty training, but both older babies resist** **the new routine.**

 **DCI Clancy Wiggum is based on Philip Glenister and Homer Simpson is based on Paul Giamatti**

DCI Clancy Wiggum is giving his older baby or young toddler boy some nappy free time on the green carpet of The Simpsons family home on a training pad to observe Ralph's weeing patterns after being given coloured beakers of heavily diluted flavoured blackcurrant squash to drink to bring on the flow of liquids.

"Ralphie, daddy's going to help you use the potty." he soothingly stated as the police officer watches Homer with Maggie Simpson's infant potty training routine being carried out with success "This is how you get a baby to cooperate on the potty," boasted Homer Jay Simpson since the youngest Simpson could already follow basic parental commands at just one year old as she was just like her older eight year old sister Lisa, who was a highly exceptional child genius.

Ralph is crying "No, dada!" when his ever so familiar nappy is removed, DCI Clancy Wiggum attempts to place his little son on a top hat potty between his legs as little Ralph arches forwards trying to escape his dad's hold "it's alright son, just relax and it'll come.", once the younger Wiggum is sat comfortably on his potty. Ralph's dad gjves an auditoria cue of "pssssss" and a verbal one of "wee" as he was going through that weird stage of not complying and having his first tantrums.

"Good wee-wee, Ralphie!" the police officer male praised his very young little boy for performing when cued.

* * *

Homer Jay Simpson asked DCI Clancy Wiggum on how he managed potty refusals as the two fathers were swapping top tips between themselves.

"For tinkles only, I tend to hold Ralph near a sink as being held with the right pressure tends to calm him down enough; he then wants to go doing a fountain style." DCI Clancy Wiggum recommended this tip for many a reluctant potty using older mobile baby or young toddler.

"Listen, Homer. I'm worried that we might be waiting too long to toilet train Maggie." Marge said uncertainly with a nervous laugh.

"Relax, Marge. Bart didn't learn until he was six." dismissing his wife's concerns on potentially difficult potty training.

"Marge! I figured it out! I got the ultimate tip on the internet!" after watching hours of Youtube videos on infant potty training/elimination communication.

Marge replies "Okay. How do we toilet train Maggie?"

"It says that in order to toilet train a baby, you must teach it to use the toilet. D'oh!" said Homer Jay Simpson stating the obvious seen from demonstrations on Youtube which used real life babies and toddlers up to approximately four years old showing correct potty usage.

"Oh yeah. Wiggum gave up after it clashed with his DCI duties in Greater Manchester Police." setting his tone to smug knowing he had got one over his mate in the parenting roulette games.

Maggie and Ralph smile and begin to walk towards their fathers.

"Ralphie, do you know what a toilet is?" asked DCI Clancy Wiggum, trying to prompt his son.

Both older babies look puzzled.

"I guess I'll have to teach you," stated Homer as both Maggie and Ralph start being difficult for their fathers.

Homer carries Maggie into the bathroom.

Clancy follows not far behind with Ralph in his arms.

"Do you see this white bowl?" asked both men in unison to their older babies. "That's a potty receptacle."

Moments later...

Homer is pointing to the bowl.

Clancy points out the shiny white bowl, while waiting upon a signal from Ralph.

"Okay, Maggie! Take a poo-poo or wee-wee." asked Maggie's British Gas electrician father.

"I know wee-wees are harder than poos, but it's time to go potty;" DCI Clancy Wiggum was firmly telling his older baby boy since after all he is a brash plain clothes wearing Detective Chief Inspector.

Maggie and Ralph walk up to the "potty" bowls, standing in front of it, with a look of concentration prompting their fathers to hold them over and cue both older babies with pressure holds helping to release whatever's needed.

Homer complains "This potty training is hard work. I can't seem to get the message across to Maggie!" preferring to slack off than win dad of the year awards.

"Give me a shot. Ralphie?" asked DCI Clancy Wiggum as he was determined to prove his way of infant potty training was tried and tested.

"Ralphie, go 'do your business' in the shiny white bowl." he then cues Ralph who is pretending to rub his eyes.

Comic Book Guy Jeffrey Albertson is on the website

"Another anti-Sarah Wiggum joke? I already got my fill of those in The Ralph Wiggum Book. Thank you."

Otto Mann was once mesmerised by Ralph's infamous Potty Fidgets causing a massive puddle on the floor of his Ford Transit school minibus, when DCI Clancy Wiggum got wind of this, he fined the Guns 'N' Roses lookalike guitarist for breaching Health & Safety and sanitary soiling rules of his school bus firm.


End file.
